How Many Heartbreaks Does it Take?

“Upon the ashes of crumpled broken hearts comes forth the majestic and  intensely alive power of true love”
Gary Larson

It was in the 7th or 8th grade that I gave the peace necklace I had purchased at the Orlando Fair to the girl on whom I had a boyhood crush. The only real crush however was how I felt when she had a friend give it back to me. It would take another 18 years of heartache, loneliness, wondering, waiting, dating and escaping before I would find my true love. We have now been married for over 25 years.

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Loving and being loved is what almost every song is written about. Some type of romance is almost always included in most novels and movies. Long before the birds and the bees become more than a national geographic moment, the process of loving and being loved is an important part of our growth and development.

We expect (though it doesn’t always happen) to be loved for life by our family and friends. It is substantially different when if comes to finding our soul mate. They can come and go. Along with the highs and excitement of a successful relationship comes the risk of a disaster where love has left the house and you are devastated and once again alone to find your way forward.

During one relationship in high school my mother told me that if I ever married a girl like her one of us would have to leave the country! After one particularly rough break up in my mid-twenties, a conversation with my mother turned into tears. She comforted me by assuring me that someone better was waiting out there for me. She was right.

When someone is in love their ability to listen to reason is diminished. Advice from friends or family bounces off as if there were a force field surrounding the lovebirds. Nobody can talk to someone in love….especially if their advice is to leave them! Of course people are hesitant to give negative advice because if they get married your little secrets will not longer be  secret.

Along the way on this rough path where love-sick hearts and minds are strewn around like trash in a stadium after a football game…where self doubt increases and self-worth decreases…on this path begins the sobering maturing process of true love. The process is hard but through it you learn more about what kind of person you really like being around. You begin to learn how to understand people and their true characters. You learn how to be patient and less self-centered. You begin to see the parts of your life that may need a little improvement if you want to secure the kind of soul mate you are seeking.

I cannot begin to write all that there is to learn about love. I am still learning. The point of this short blog is to simply say that when your love life crashes and you feel like the loneliest person in the world, know that 99% of everyone else has also felt that same feeling and probably more than once. Your situation is not unique. Ultimately, with time, there will be someone better for you out there.

This knowledge does not take away the pain or lingering heartache, but it should give you hope for a better day. It is coming. As soon as you can gather the strength to move forward, give yourself a chance and get moving. The world is full of incredible people and the one that just left you can and will be replaced by someone who is just right for you. You just have to find them. But, you need to be in the kind of mental and physical shape to be ready to share your peace necklace again and not be afraid that it might be returned to you. There is a happy ending for you. Go find it.

As additional proof for the reader that may be going through a tough break up, if any of you other readers have found your true love, please count the number of heartbreaks you had before finding your true love and share it in a comment. I counted 7 off the top of my head.

HighFive Your Life Principle: Do not let a disastrous love relationship be the final outcome. There is a better relationship waiting for you in the future. Go find it.

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