Dark Matter Instead of Grey Matter Found In Guy’s Heads


We recently visited our home in Utah in which our two college age sons  currently reside. Having been away for six months, their mom was hoping to walk into a house that was clean and well kept. She hoped against hope that at least an effort had been made by my boys. At first glance, everything looked great. After spending a bit of time in the house however, the ruse began to unravel.

Closets and drawers and even dryers had been used to the max to hide the disarray. Their mother took it in stride and got to work. I just took it in stride and went about my business because, well, I am a guy and they were just employing the survival tactics that I had passed along in their DNA.

We all know that weez guys think differently than youz ladies…that is, if weez guys think at all. It has been postulated that about 85% of the matter in the universe can’t be seen and it has received the mysterious name of dark matter. I think we can safely conclude that most of it can be found between the ears of guys on earth. Since we know that there are not enough guys on earth to make up all of the missing matter, we could therefore conclude that there must be other guys somewhere in the universe which resolves the whole question of is there life out there somewhere…but I digress.

When we were first married, my wife made quite an effort to refine me. Since then, she has seen her own sweet little darling boys grow up to be men and it has tempered her expectations a little. After all, she is partially responsible for raising those testosterone driven, fast food eating, TV watching, clothes shedding, sports nuts and she is realizing that it is hard to fight nature. If not a reprieve, it at least has helped my wife understand my guyness.

When a guy sees an empty washing machine he thinks…well, actually nothing comes to his mind at first and he just keeps on walking. However, if he is compelled to do laundry, he thinks to himself…might as well fill er up and just add more soap…why do two loads when you can get them all done in just one load? The same goes for a dryer…let’s see how many clothes we can squeeze in there and still get the door closed.

When a guy eats a steak he is cutting the biggest chunks that his throat will allow him to swallow. In his bedroom, he thinks…why hang the clothes back up when you can get a few more days out of them and they are easy to find right there on the floor or on the back of a chair? He ponders…why make a bed if you are just going to crawl right back in it in a few hours…and why lift the toilet seat if you are accurate enough which, by gosh we know every guy is…and if by chance he finds a toilet seat that is already up, why on earth would you ever put it back down?

There is just a basic fundamental genetic difference between us. Weez guys don’t think like youz girls. Clearly weez guys don’t think at all. Somewhere between selfish and lazy is a place where all guys visit…well…reside. In that realm, brain waves that beget non-selfish action just do not occur. It is all just dark matter…which is apparently some pretty important stuff in the universe but it doesn’t help much in the thinking category.

That’s okay though because if weez guys were to think, we might stop acting like guys. Then youz girls would not know what to do as we would no longer need you to make things stabilized and right in our worlds. The world would suffer and things would come to a screeching halt. At least right now only youz girls suffer.

So ladies, just bear with us. We die sooner than you do and then you can find peace and relaxation. Until then, could you bring me a glass of milk while you are up?

What do you mean I have to go live with the boys?

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One thought on “Dark Matter Instead of Grey Matter Found In Guy’s Heads”

  1. I hang my clothes on the back of the chair, and I have no idea why you make a bed. I do the largest loads of laundry possible, and I cut my steak into large pieces. Another guy thing I do is wait to clean the dishes until there aren’t any clean dishes available. Why wash them all when there are perfectly good ones waiting in the shelves?
    I don’t have any clue how woman think, but I know that the items above make my wife a little crazy. Oh and I leave my shoes in the floor where I can trip over them…it’s the only way I can find them!

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